The Long Goodbye
by zebraboymom
Summary: Can't get the idea of the end of our two favorite detectives actually being done with no closure, so along with so many of you, here is my take on how it should have ended. E/O
1. Chapter 1

The Long Goodbye

Zebraboymom

Disclaimer: Not mine. If they were, things would be different and both detectives would be back in the fall.

Author Notes: I can't stand the idea that I'm not going to see Chris Meloni every Wednesday night. Sniff…you know we're all going to write one before the fall starts. Yes, my take on how the end should have gone.

It was ten o'clock at night. The squad room was empty. Olivia slipped out of her office next to Cragen's and looked around. She was alone. She quickly crossed the room and sat in her old desk. It was now the desk of Ellen Cranz, her replacement. For Liv, it would always be her desk. She sat down and closed her eyes. How many times had she done this over the last nine months? She looked across at the desk facing hers. His desk, joined to hers. It belonged to Sam Baxter now. Baxter and Cranz were a great team. They got along famously and did a good job. Olivia had been proud of them. They were both young and eager just like she and Elliot had been. They were cocky, but dedicated. She liked them both, but watching them every day made that ache in her stomach get bigger every day. It had been nine month since he had left. There were no promises to keep in touch, no teary farewells. He had just walked into Cragen's office, tossed his badge and gun on his desk and walked out. His only words were 'I'm done.' Olivia couldn't believe it. She had just come back from taking a shower to wash off the blood and putting on clean clothes when she saw him walking towards her. He had grabbed her so hard she squeaked. He pulled her into his arms and just held her in front of everyone. She could feel his body trembling as he stood there cheek to cheek with her. He whispered in her ear.

"I'm sorry."

He had turned his face then and buried his it in her neck. She could still feel the kiss he placed there tenderly against her flesh and then he was gone. It still haunted her. She never thought that would be the last time she would ever see Elliot Stabler.

She tried several times to call him, but he never returned her calls. Eventually she stopped trying. She called their house a few times and Kathy always said it wasn't a good time. She would ask how he was and Kathy would dodge her questions. Finally one day when she called Kathy asked her not to call there anymore. Olivia did her best to picture him happy. She pictured him retired and playing with Eli. She saw him taking Dickie to ball games and going to the girls' events. She saw him happy. In fact she refused to see him any other way. Part of her was waiting for the day when he would walk back in the squad room with Eli on his shoulders and hug her and tell one of his ridiculous jokes and act like he hadn't been absent for so many, many months.

She on the other hand was not doing well. She had run through no less than five partners before Cragen finally called her into his office and told her something had to give. He had created a new position for her. She would be his second in command. She would teach at the academy and take cases when his load got to be too much. He couldn't handle as much as he used to and he was pretty sure he would be retiring in a couple of years. He told Olivia he wanted to train her to be his replacement. He told her she could have a normal life for once and she would be sharing her gift with victims to a whole new generation of officers. Liv had taken the job willingly. She couldn't face the victims anymore. Not without Elliot beside her. His strength always allowed her to keep going. Without him there she just couldn't do it day after day. She sat with her chin in her hand looking across at his desk. She could almost see him sitting there doing the same thing back at her. How many times over the years had they sat and just looked at each other while their minds ran? She missed him so much. Damn him! She never thought when he left that would be the end of their relationship. How could he just toss twelve years of partnership out the window? She felt a tear trickle down her face and swiped it away angrily. She wanted to be done grieving his loss, but she couldn't let go. He was all she thought about some days. She thought with him gone she would pursue a life for herself outside of work, but there hadn't been anyone in her life in over three years and the last nine months hadn't been any different. She was stuck, unable to move on. The one man who grounded her was gone from her life. She crossed her arms on the desk and dropped her head onto them. She was trying not to cry, but she could feel more tears welling up. How many times was she going to do this to herself? That's when she realized she wasn't alone. She looked up at Elliot's desk to see someone standing there looking at her. It took her a minute to get over the shock when she realized it was Kathy Stabler.

"Thought I'd find you here. I went by your apartment and when I didn't find you home I figured you would probably be here."

"Kathy, what are you doing here? Is Elliot okay? The kids?"

Kathy walked around the desk and sat on the corner of Liv's.

"I don't know what else to do here Olivia. I hate to do this to you, but you are the only one who has ever been able to get through to him. If anyone can help him now, it's you. I…I'm just not strong enough to keep doing it."

"Kathy, you're scaring me. What are you talking about?"

"He's lost Liv. He's so lost I can't even find him anymore. I tried. God I tried so hard. For four months I tried. He isn't the man I married anymore. Hell, he hasn't been that man for about 6 years. I should have let the divorce go through the first time, but I kept thinking if he gave all this up he'd be himself again. He's a different man now. I don't know this Elliot. We finalized the divorce four months ago, but he was still seeing the kids, trying to be their dad. The last couple of months he's been dead. He forgets to get the kids. His place is a wreck. He won't answer the phone half the time. I used to go over there some and you know, clean up, but I'm seeing someone now and he doesn't like me to go over there anymore. Elliot needs help Liv. You are the only one who ever understood him like he needed to be understood."

She reached for Olivia's hand and placed a key there. She closed her hand over Liv's and looked at her with tears in her eyes.

"I love him Olivia. I'm not in love with him anymore, but I care about him. Please help him. Please?'

"Kathy I don't know what I can do. You know what he's like…"

"You are all he needs right now. I know that for sure. Most of his grief is centered on losing you. I promise you that. He's having nightmares almost every night and they're always about one of two things. Shooting the girl or you dying and him not being there to save you. Please go to him Liv. Make him happy again. If you can't do it then I think he might eat his gun. I don't want his children to have to live with that for the rest of their lives. Will you at least try?"

Olivia stood and the two women embraced. She liked Kathy. She always had. They were the two women in Elliot's life. They would always have that in common.

"I'll try Kathy. I'll really try."

"That's all I can ask for."

"I'll let you know how he's doing."

"That…that'd be great. I have to go. Jeff is waiting for me downstairs."

"Be happy Kathy. You deserve it."

"You do too Liv. I hope you find some as well."

Kathy turned and walked away. Liv stood for a second registering everything she had said. She grabbed a form out of her desk and started filling it out. It was for emergency leave. Lord knows she had enough days off on the books to be gone for a month, but she wouldn't do that to Cragen. She wrote him a note sort of explaining things and grabbed her coat off the hook in her office. She knew where Elliot's apartment was. He had kept it after he returned to Kathy and had sublet it out, but he must have been staying there for the last several months. She climbed the stairs to his door and knocked softly. No answer. She knocked again more loudly. Still no answer. She called out his name. The neighbor across the hall opened her door and glared at her. Liv apologized and took the key out of her pocket. She slipped it into the lock and slowly opened the door.

"Elliot, it's Liv. I'm coming in so don't shoot me, okay?"

Once inside she looked around the room. It looked like a hurricane hit. Mr. Marine Corp had always been neat as a pen. This was not good. She walked around the room looking at the discarded beer bottles, Chinese take-out, pizza boxes and newspapers. The place was a mess and reeked of alcohol. She looked in his bedroom, but still nothing. Could he be out at a bar? She walked into his kitchen and that's when she saw him. He was slumped over his table with an empty whiskey bottle sitting next to an empty glass. She prayed he hadn't downed the whole bottle that night. If he had they would be making a trip to the ER. He looked the same, definitely thinner, but bulkier muscle wise. Knowing him, he took his frustration out in the gym. He had always been a gym rat. She approached him cautiously and slipped her hand down to his throat to check for a pulse. She found one and let out the breath she didn't realize she had been holding. It was in that second that a hand closed around her wrist and jerked her hard against the table. Olivia tried not to scream, but it hurt like hell.

"Elliot, stop! It's me, Liv."

Elliot sat up straight then and grabbed his head. He shook it like he was trying to shake away his alcohol induced stooper.

"Liv?"

"Yeah, it's me."

"What are you doing here?"

"Kathy thought you needed a handler. That's always been my job, remember?"

Elliot dragged his eyes from her feet to meet her eyes. For a minute they just took each other in. it had been nine long months. Nine months without each other. It seemed like a lifetime and then again like it was just yesterday. Each of them knew the other so well. Elliot started to move to stand and then he turned away from her. She saw those beautiful tortured blue eyes and her heart sank at how empty they looked. Oh, El.

His voice was rough like he was gargling broken glass.

"You need to leave Liv. I don't want you here. I can't have you here. I don't want you to see me like this."

"Yeah, well, I'm your partner and I'm not going anywhere. Let's get you to bed so you don't wake up with a bad back in the morning."

"Don't care."

"Yeah, well I do. Now come on."

She went to grab his arm and he jerked it away knocking the chair over as he stood and swayed backwards into the counter. He grabbed for it and caught himself. He tried to stand upright and walk, but he had to grab the counter again. Liv approached him like you would a wild animal. She knew him well enough to be careful. There was so much she wanted to say to him.

"Elliot."

It was a whisper. It felt like warm water flowing over him. He had missed her so much. Why was she here? He needed her so much, but he'd been afraid to ask for her help. He'd left her like she had left him and he knew what that felt like. He had promised himself he would never do that to her. It had hurt him too much. But he had done it anyway. He had gone home to Kathy and had screwed that up royally. He chuckled to himself as Liv approached him slowly again.

"What's so funny El?"

"Just like me to screw up everything and hurt everyone who matters in my life. Now you've come to get some as well. You should go now Liv. You aren't going to like what you find here. Do us both a favor and go."

One word.

"No."

"Olivia."

"I'm never going to leave you again El. So, just get used to the idea. I'm here to stay in your life. Now come her now!"

She reached around his waist and he dropped his arm over her shoulder. He was heavy as he leaned on her. She led him to his bedroom and pulled down the covers. He sat heavily down and she swung his legs under the covers and tucked him in. He threw one arm over his eyes and as she stood to leave he grabbed her other hand tightly jerking her back.

"Sorry."

"It's okay."

"Liv?"

"Yeah?"

"I didn't think you'd come."

"Why wouldn't I El?"

"Why would you?"

"Partners, remember? Now rest. She sat down on the edge of the bed for a minute and held his hand. In all their years together she never did this. She had never just sat by his bed and held his hand. Tonight she did. He moved his arm and looked at her from under heavy lids. She watched him with tender eyes. This man had protected her for most of her adult life. Now it was her turn to protect him from his demons. She couldn't help herself. She broke their silent rule and reached up to stroke her fingers lightly along his cheek. He leaned into her touch and closed his eyes. She sat there with him, just stroking his cheek and his brow until his breathing leveled out. She stood quietly and headed back into his living room. Surveying the maelstrom she rolled up her sleeves, grabbed some trash bags from the kitchen and started in. She never was one to sleep much, so tonight was as good as tomorrow. She was going to clean up Elliot's home and hopefully his life. She wanted her partner back. She wanted the love of her life back. That's what he was and always would be. She would never give up on him. She couldn't. She loved him with all her heart and she could not spend another day without him in it.


	2. Chapter 2

The Long Goodbye

Chapter Two

Zebraboymom

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Author Notes: I hope everyone remembers that the great thing about fanfiction is that we can play out our fantasy for our characters, even if the stories don't follow the writers of the series. I hope folks who feel differently will allow those of us who are E/O shippers to write what we would love to see if things were different. If you aren't a shipper, there are lots of other stories for you to enjoy on this site. Thanks to all of you others out there for your interest and great reviews. Now on with the story.

Olivia returned from her fifth trip to the dumpster, started the dishwasher on its second load of dishes, tossed a load of clothes in the washing machine and closed the door to the laundry room. She poured every bottle of alcohol down the drain and then decided to call it a night. It was just after two in the morning.

She found a blanket in the hall closet and went into Elliot's bedroom to steal a pillow. She stood beside his bed for a few minutes studying his face in the light that spilled in from the street. He looked older. There was tension even in his sleep. Her eyes traced his strong jaw and she found herself wanting to smooth the deep lines in his forehead. He didn't even look like he was resting. It made her choke up a bit, so she quickly fled to the living room and settled on the couch. She had no idea what tomorrow would hold, but no matter what she would be there. Exhaustion caught up with her and she drifted into a fitful sleep of her own. It was still dark out when she heard the tortured voice of her partner calling out from the bedroom.

"Jenna, no! Please put the gun down Honey. No! Liv! Oh my God no! Liv!"

Olivia was off the couch and in Elliot's room instantly. He was thrashing around in the bed and she wasn't sure how to wake him. She began to call to him as she approached, but he was still asleep.

"Elliot. Elliot."

She reached for him just as he rose up in the bed and he caught her across the face with his elbow. As she fell to the floor she cried out in surprise and he woke up.

"Liv?"

"I'm okay El. I'm okay."

He was out of the bed and on the floor next to her pulling her to her feet and sitting her on the bed. He went into the bathroom and returned with a cool cloth. Liv had a nosebleed and she pinched the bridge in an attempt to stop the blood flow. She could see the panic in Elliot's eyes as he saw what he'd done. He sat on the edge of he bed next to her and hung his head. His head was still swimming with alcohol, but a huge headache was setting in and he felt like he wanted to crawl into a hole and die. The bleeding stopped eventually and Elliot brought her a warm washcloth this time so she could clean up the blood. He handed it to her and then sat watching her clean her face. When she was done, he reached a tentative hand out to grasp her chin and look at her nose. She pulled away and tried to lighten the moment.

"Don't worry. It's not broken."

"Liv, I am so sorry."

"It's okay El. I should have stayed back. I should know by now you always come out swinging."

Elliot winced and held his head. Olivia stood up and went into the kitchen. She saw the look on his face as he wrestled with whether or not to follow her. When she came back into his room with aspirin and a bottle of water he hadn't moved from his spot. He was sitting with his arms resting on his thighs and his head in his hands. She held the pills down in his field of vision and he looked up at her gratefully. He took them silently and then casts a furtive look at her.

"Come on. Get back in bed. It's still a long time until morning."

He surprised her by obeying, crawling back under the covers and settling again. She sat on the edge of the bed and looked at him. He tried to look her in the eye, but he failed miserably and settled on a spot on the wall behind her.

"I'll see you in the morning, okay?"

He nodded and closed his eyes. She couldn't help tucking the covers around him and when she did he open his again and finally looked at her.

"Liv…I…"

"Shhh. We can talk tomorrow, okay? Sleep."

As she walked out of the room he spoke one last time.

"Liv?"

"Yeah?"

"Why'd you come?"

"How could I not come El."

"I…"

"Rest. We'll talk tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?"

"I guess it actually today already. I'm staying El, so don't even try to argue with me. I'm as stubborn as you are."

"Okay."

She relaxed a bit. He hadn't said no.

"Good."

Liv couldn't believe he hadn't fought her more. She felt a spark of hope growing in her heart. She could get him back. She just knew it.

She must have been exhausted because she didn't wake up until almost ten o'clock the next morning. She hopped up, grabbed her go bag and popped her head in Elliot's room. He was still sound asleep. Thankfully there hadn't been any repeat performance of the nightmares. She studied him as she crossed to the bathroom. He was spread out on the bed on his stomach. The sheet had slipped down and his broad back was bare. He had such strength physically and had always seemed so strong that it was hard to think about him getting so lost, but then she couldn't even begin to imagine what killing a child would do to you. Perps were one thing, but a grieving kid was something else entirely. She had always known that some day there would be a case that would send one or both of them over the edge. She had her own nightmares about that day. She quickly showered and dressed in comfortable jeans and a soft t-shirt. As she crossed through Elliot's room she noticed he had moved. He was lying on his back with his arm across his eyes again. The other arm lay outstretched on the bed. He was awake. She knew he was. He just couldn't face her. When she got to the door to his room she turned to find him watching her from under his arm.

"I know you're awake, I know you have to be hungry and we **are** going to talk, so get your butt out of bed, get a shower and for God's sake shave. You look like Grizzly Adams."

She saw just the hint of a smile and her heart jumped a little as she made her way to the kitchen to make pancakes.

Thirty minutes later a new man emerged from Elliot's bedroom and sat at the kitchen table watching her. He had never seen her being domestic before and he quite liked it. He was impressed. She had made pancakes and was mixing frozen orange juice. He didn't want to tell her he used the juice to mix drinks. Just having her in the same room with him warmed him completely. He hadn't felt this way in a long time. That confidence she always exuded created a familiar feeling he had missed. She handed him a generous stack of pancakes and a large glass of juice.

"You look tons better. How's your stomach?"

"I'm not going to barf if that's what you're wondering."

"And he's back."

She grabbed her plate and sat across from him. They were both quiet for a long time. It felt like the day she had returned from Oregon and they sat in the coffee shop stealing glances at each other, not sure what to say. After several minutes Elliot spoke.

"So, why **are** you here?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

"But how'd you know?"

"Kathy brought a key by the precinct. She's worried about you."

"I'm surprised she had time what with "Jeff" and all."

"That woman loved you and gave you five beautiful children and you will not talk about her like that in front of me."

Elliot looked up to see the anger flashing in her chocolate brown eyes. She always had defended Kathy. He knew what he was like to live with so he understood their bond. She had kept his marriage together more than once when Kathy wanted to bail. Who wouldn't want to leave him? He was a selfish bastard. Kathy had been through enough with him. He was glad she was happy. No one could be happy around him, especially now. He hated himself and rightly so. He knew he couldn't let Liv get sucked in. he had to find a way to push her away before he hurt her worse than he already had.

"I can hear you thinking El, so stop it."

"What?"

"You are not going to push me away this time. You cut me out of your life once before and you aren't going to do it again. Are we clear?"

"Trust me Liv, you don't want to stay here."

"Elliot Stabler!"

Elliot lifted his eyes to meet hers. When she got angry there were these gold flecks that appeared in her iris. Right now there was an explosion of gold fireworks. She was really mad now. Good.

"Don't you think nine months is long enough to feel sorry for yourself? For God's sake El, you've got kids. Eli's third birthday is coming and he needs his dad there."

She knew she had hit pay dirt when he rose up over the table and leaned into her face.

"Go to hell Liv!"

He shoved the chair back and stomped off to his bedroom slamming the door behind him.

Mission accomplished. Anger was better than dead any day. She knew he still had some fight in him. She was counting on that. They both knew how to fight. If she had a nickel for every time Cragen had to separate them during their partnership, she'd be a rich woman right now. She heard Elliot's bedroom door open and he headed straight for the door with his gym bag. He glared at her once and threw open the front door.

"Don't be here when I get back!"

He slammed it behind him and she heard him jog down the hall and hit the stairs. She knew where he was going, so she calmly got up and did the dishes. He could go and pound it out on a punching bag for now. When he got back she would be right there.

She finished his laundry and stripped his bed down, vacuumed, dusted and finished returning his apartment to its original condition, but after four hours he still wasn't back. She started to worry and decided to call all three of their favorite bars. Thank God he wasn't at any of them. She thought about going to look for him, but who knows where he would go? She used to find him at Battery Park sometimes just staring out at the water when they had a really tough case, but she knew him well enough to know he wouldn't go where she could find him easily. She opted to wait him out. Two more torturous hours went by before he returned with a couple of bags of groceries. It was almost dinnertime.

He turned the key in the door and found her reading a book on the sofa. He didn't speak, but headed straight into the kitchen and started unloading the bags. Now he felt really stupid for his immature outburst. She came and sat quietly at the table watching him put things away. He pulled a roll of Toblerone Chocolate out of the bag. It was her favorite. He tossed it to her as a peace offering. She gave him that dazzling smile she always gave him when he did well. He felt like a puppy being given positive attention. Man was he pathetic. He finished the task and went to sit down across from her. She just sat there eating her chocolate and waiting for him to speak. He chose his words carefully.

"Liv, I know I'm a jerk."

"So do I."

She smirked at him. He couldn't help but grin a little, but immediately became sober again. He had to say what he had spent all afternoon practicing until he could say it without losing it again.

"After the way I treated you and the way I just…left you, I never expected you to come here like this. I'm asking you to let it go…to let me go."

Liv put the chocolate aside and folded her hands on the table. She pressed her thumbs together and tried to collect herself before she spoke. It wasn't working. She finally managed to choke it out.

"I can't."

"Why?"

"I think you know why."

She finally found the courage to lookup into those beautiful blue eyes. They were so tortured. Hers began to fill with tears and she could see the effect she was having on him as his own started to fill.

"Please El, don't make me go. I can't stand it again. I've tried to let you go for nine months now and it isn't working. I…don't …work…without you."

She was shaking by now and she knew if he pushed her away she was going to lose it in front of him. She had never done that with him ever. Ellliot had never seen her cry like that before and she did not want that to be his last memory of her.

"Please El. Please…"

She had never begged for anything in her life, but she was begging for this now. He was the only thing she cared about in this life. She dropped her head and tried to fight the tears when she felt his warm hand cover her trembling ones. He squeezed them both in his one large hand. It was quiet for a few minutes as she waited for him to answer. He finally did.

"Okay."


	3. Chapter 3

The Long Goodbye

Chapter Three

Zebraboymom

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Author Notes: Elliot and Olivia find a new way to be together. It's the way I've always wanted to see them together.

Liv stood at the kitchen island cutting up vegetables while Elliot manned the stove. They were making stir-fry together. Of their entire relationship all she could remember about eating with Elliot were restaurants and take out boxes. They had never done anything remotely like this. It was so domestic, so normal. She watched him working, the muscles rippling across his back as he rolled the oil around in the pan. She wondered what it would be like to live with Elliot and come home at night and make dinner together. Would she hop up on the counter and would he stand between her legs and put his hands on her waist as he kissed her? Would they laugh when dinner burned on occasion as they kissed and touched each other? She shook herself out of her thoughts. She was treading in dangerous territory and needed to get her wits together. This was her partner and her friend and he had never treated her any differently no matter how much she wanted there to be more.

"Okay, bring the vegetables over. The oil is just right."

Liv carried the cutting board over and stood next to Elliot as he scraped the vegetables into the pan. It felt new and yet familiar at the same time. Their shoulders touched and Elliot put his hand on the board just above hers. He stirred everything for a bit and Olivia watched with interest. He glanced at her sideways.

"It really is easy Liv. You can do this too. You want to stir it while I put the peanut sauce and sticky rice on the table?"

"Elliot Stabler. I had no idea you knew how to cook. What other secrets are you hiding?"

It was a poor choice of words. He gave her a funny look and she regretted the remark instantly. What if it set them back again? She thought they were making progress. She could feel Elliot's eyes on her.

"Relax Liv. You don't need to tiptoe around me. I'm a big boy and I did know you were attempting to tease me."

She looked up and found him smiling at her. She rewarded him with a smile in return and took the spatula he handed her. Their fingers brushed and she tried to focus on stirring the vegetables, but she was having a really hard time. He took over again after a few minutes and finished putting some sort of heavenly sauce on their concoction.

"Hey, grab the plates and I'll serve us up."

It was a great dinner and she was actually pretty proud of herself.

Elliot watched her shoveling the food in. He smirked to himself as he realized she was thinking about how great the simple dinner was. It occurred to him that Liv didn't do simple things much. That was a shame. It sort of tore at his heart to picture all the years of takeout and living alone. He remembered the day he came to check on her when she was sick and finding nothing in the fridge. She said once that she had spent her whole life alone. He didn't sleep that night. He had tossed and turned and fought with himself about going over to her apartment so she wouldn't be alone. He vowed to make sure that from now on she experienced a lot more things like making dinner. Then it hit him. He had just thought about the future for the first time in nine months.

They stood side by side at the sink afterwards washing up the plates and other dishes. He liked doing the dishes with Liv. He let himself brush up against her more than once. The evening was going great and he didn't want it to end.

"You wanna go for a walk in Central Park? It won't be dark for a couple more hours."

Liv hung the dishtowel back over the rod. She wasn't sure if this was going to be a good walk or a bad walk, but something in Elliot's voice reassured her.

"Okay. That sounds good. Let me get my sneakers."

Five minutes later they hit the street and walked the four short blocks to the park. Elliot had walked on the outside in a traditional show of male protection. His hand rested on her lower back as they pushed their way through the crowds. Even at 6:00 at night the sidewalks were still full. It was nice for once to not be in a hurry to be some place; they just took their time. Once they crossed the street and headed into the park, Elliot dropped his hand from her back. They were only a few steps into the park when he reached for her hand. Liv looked down in surprise and then up into Elliot's face. He was watching for a reaction.

"Is this okay with you?"

He was making an effort.

"Yeah. It's nice actually."

Elliot smiled again. She watched for those few fleeting smiles and relished each one. They walked along in silence for a long time. After about a half hour, they came to a bench she knew well. She had sat on it once a long time ago to catch a perp. She wondered if Elliot remembered.

"Want to sit for a few minutes?"

She nodded her head. He let go of her hand when they sat down, but he put his arm protectively along the back of the bench, his hand just touching her shoulder on the other side.

"Remember this bench?"

"Sure I do."

He sat quietly for a minute.

"I was worried that day."

"Yeah? I wasn't."

"Why not?"

She hesitated to say anything. He urged her.

"Why not, Liv?"

Her voice was very quiet and he had to lean in to her to hear.

"I knew you were right there in the bushes watching over me. I knew I'd be safe."

Elliot looked at her with a mixture of disbelief and awe.

"Don't look so surprised El. I always knew you had my back."

Elliot's voice went soft too and it was full of emotion then.

"That's…that's why I shot Jenna. I was afraid she would turn like she did when she killed Sister Peg and shoot you. I thought I was going to…to lose you Liv."

Liv reached for his chin. His head was down and she could see tears falling. She turned his face towards hers and looked deeply into his eyes.

"You did protect me Elliot and everyone else in the room. You did your job and shot a shooter before she could hurt anyone else. It's a shame she was a kid, but you did the right thing. Don't ever forget that El."

She slid both hands up to cup his face and swiped his tears away with her thumbs. They were oblivious to the people moving past them. It was their moment and Liv was going to make sure he understood. He looked devastated and he shrugged helplessly and tried to look away from her. She brought his eyes back to meet hers. When he did, he looked so scared, so afraid for her to see him so vulnerable. She couldn't stop herself if she tried. She leaned in and kissed his tear-streaked cheeks, first one side and then the other. He blinked at her and a shudder ran through his body. She pulled him into a hug and they just sat on the bench embracing each other as Elliot calmed down.

He pressed his face into her neck and breathed her in. That smell that was so uniquely hers assaulted him. All those long hours together in the car, in the cribs, leaning over a computer or a task board, he remembered that smell. It grounded him. This moment meant more to him than any time in their twelve years as partners. If they had only been able to comfort each other all those years together it would have been different. It took him several minutes before he realized he had crossed too many lines in one short evening. He pulled back and ran his hand over his face.

"Sorry, Liv. I guess I didn't see that one coming."

"It's okay. I'm glad you told me. It means the world to me that you trusted me like that."

"Guess we better head back."

He stood and took her hand to pull her up. As he started back to the apartment he laced his fingers between hers and squeezed. Olivia let out the breath she had been holding. He was letting her in and he wasn't pushing her away. She squeezed back and they held hands all the way back home.

The ride up in the elevator was sileny, but this time it wasn't uncomfortable. Elliot opened the door and headed into the kitchen.

"How about a movie and some ice cream? I bought your favorite."

"Pistachio?"

"Of course."

He gave them both three scoops and they settled in to watch Iron Man. It was a personal favorite for both of them. The movie was fun. They sat close to each other on the couch. It was companionable without being too intimate. Liv started yawning during the credits.

"Can I have the bathroom first?"

"Sure."

Elliot popped out the DVD and headed into the kitchen to wash out the bowls. When he was done he waited on the couch for Liv to finish. After she had dressed in a pair of sleep pants and a tank top, she stood in the doorway to his bedroom and watched him just sitting there. He was resting his head on the back of the sofa, but he looked relaxed. She hoped that meant he would have a restful night.

"Okay you, you're in my bed. Clear out."

She surprised Elliot and he almost jumped off the couch.

"I…I…"

"Lighten up Stabler. I'm joking. Think you'll be able to sleep tonight?"

"I hope so."

Elliot met her halfway between the couch and his bedroom. He looked down at her and offered a soft smile. She looked so cute in her sleepwear, no make up and her hair rumpled and natural. He suddenly realized he wanted to kiss her. That would ruin everything. He knew she'd run and he was just starting to feel happy for the first time in a very long time. He settled for a swift kiss on the cheek and a lingering hand on her shoulder as he headed to his room.

"Night Liv. Thanks for today."

"Any time El. I mean it."

Olivia headed to the couch and settled in. She slipped her hand up to touch the cheek he had kissed. She had never felt his lips before. They were soft and warm and she blushed just thinking about the intimacy they had experienced. Every touch was burned into her brain; the handholding, the kisses from her and him and the hug. She was on cloud nine as she drifted off to sleep. Her last thought was she could not lose this man again. She would do anything to keep him in her life.

It was around three AM when Elliot woke to a sharp cry from the living room. He was out of bed and by the couch in seconds. This time Liv was having a nightmare.

"Don't go! Please don't leave me! Elliot!"

He was stunned to find out the nightmare was about him. Tears were running down Liv's face in her sleep. He sat down on the edge of the couch and leaned over her.

"Liv. Liv it's okay. Wake up Liv. It's only a dream."

He reached up and smoothed her hair back. She breathing so hard and when he stroked the back of his hand across her cheek, she leaned into it. Her eyes opened and she realized he was there for real. Her body launched itself at him and he just held on for dear life. She pressed herself into his arms and wrapped her own around his bare back. Her face was pressed into his chest and she cried even harder. He held her and rubbed her back.

"You want to talk about it?"

She shook her head no and held him tighter.

"You want a drink of water?"

Again her head shook no and he thought he was going to lose the ability to breath if she squeezed him any harder. He decided to try to lighten the moment.

"Can I get a drink of water?"

"Leave me now and I'll kick your butt."

He chuckled and cuddled her to him.

"Now that I would like to see."

Liv finally leaned back and stared at Elliot's bare chest. Her eyes made their way slowly up to his face and she felt a blush coming on.

Elliot grinned at her reaction.

"You okay now?"

"Uh…yeah…I just…"

"Where was I going in the dream Liv?"

Her eyes went wide.

"What did I say?"

"You were begging me not to go. I'm sorry Liv. I'm sorry I left you. I…"

Liv searched his face. He looked so guilty. It was time to release him from all that guilt. She reached up and cupped the side of his face.

"It's okay. It is. I think we both needed a change. We did some amazing work together, but we both knew it couldn't last forever. Moving on was the right thing, it just happened in an unfortunate way. I don't blame you at all El. We survived it and we both came out the other side. It's time to start letting all the demons go. I promise to stay in your life if you promise to stay in mine. Let's work together to move foreword with our lives."

Elliot looked deeply into her eyes.

"I'm okay with that as long as that means we do it together. I want you in my life more than anything. I want it to be about us and not about the job any more."

"I can definitely get on board with that."

They looked into each other's eyes and smiled at the same time. Liv was sure their hearts were beating in sync with each other. She knew hers was about to burst out of her chest. If ever there was a moment, this was the one. They both moved at the same time and their lips finally closed the deal.

It was the most wonderful kiss either had ever experienced. It was the kind of kiss that you wait for all your life. It was soft and tender. It wasn't rough and wanton as both had often thought it would be if they ever did kiss. Instead it was full of love and promise and romance. Liv felt warmth spread throughout her entire body and she sighed into the kiss.

Elliot slipped his hands up into her hair and felt his anger and his guilt and his fear melting away. This was what he needed, had needed for so long now. Liv was his. He knew that's what he wanted. The fact that she wanted him too made his heart quicken and he thanked God and Kathy for giving him a second chance at life and at love. He would have to thank Kathy for what she did. He didn't even want to think about where he was heading when Liv found him. She always did find him in the end. They were partners and always would be. This time around it would take on a whole new meaning. He pulled back from the kiss and they looked into each other's eyes as they caught their breath.

"I don't ever plan on saying goodbye to you again Liv."

"If you ever try it again, plan on a very long goodbye."

He smiled and his lips claimed hers again.

**Author's Notes: Anyone fancy an epilogue?**


	4. Epilogue

The Long Goodbye

Epilogue

Zebraboymom

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Author Notes: Let's take a walk down the road. I'd of course want to have them come back for the end of the show if other detectives replaced them. I think if they do that then the end of it could be Cragen retiring. For me that would be the perfect ending to my favorite show, if the writers would just satisfy us all once and for all, for crying out loud.

Liv stood eating a slice of cake. It was heaven and just what she was craving right now. She watched as Cragen stepped up on the stage and accepted his awards and Munch began to roast him. People were chuckling and smiling. Elliot stood behind her with his arms wrapped around her. His hands rested lovingly on her swollen belly and his chin rested on her shoulder. She would turn periodically to shove a bite of cake in his mouth.

Cragen watched the two of them from his place on the stage. He smiled to himself. All the years they worked together he wondered if they would end up together. Their relationship had always fascinated him and complicated his job to no end. It had also been a source of tremendous satisfaction. Their work with him had been the best part of his career and they held the best conviction record of any SVU in New York. It made him proud to leave a department that had so distinguished itself. He thought about how far they had come.

Elliot had taken Liv's spot at the academy and had turned out to be an amazing teacher. He had a natural ability that he didn't know he had. All the rookies looked up to him. It was exciting to see officers coming out of the academy with such insight into the job and what it took to deal with the victims and the type of perpetrators in sexually based crimes. Who better than someone who had experienced it first hand for over fifteen years?

Liv was taking over Cragen's job as head of the unit when she got back from maternity leave. In the meantime Munch would be serving in that position and would be taking her place as second in command when she returned. Liv wanted to keep a regular routine and be home when her kids got out of school. Don had never had a family to go home to so he kept the long hours and it had taken its toll on him. He had a long talk with Olivia before she took the job and gave her the reasons why she shouldn't do that. It was important for her and Elliot to both come home at the end of the day and be a family. This was their chance to experience normalcy and he wanted it for them. They had earned it and then some. He had bad dreams sometimes about the cases that had been so difficult for them over the years. They had suffered so much together. Now they would get to be happy. They were done sacrificing their personal lives if he had anything to say about it.

He smiled and laughed as Munch told every bad groaner joke about cops and bosses in the book. It was okay. He was going to have a life now too. It had been a long time coming. He was so glad to see all his team working where they fit best. He couldn't have picked a better mentor for Cranz and Baxter. They had become the new Elliot and Olivia and they were doing just great. They were beginning to rack up their own impressive arrest record in their two years since Liv and Elliot had left. One thing though, he couldn't get over how much Cranz looked like Jennifer Love Hewitt. It was downright scary. I mean, who would want her as a detective anyway? As Munch finished, Don stepped up and gave his farewell speech. When he was finished there wasn't a dry eye in the house. He sniffled a little himself and stepped down from the platform to make his way over to his "kids". They were all grown up now.

Munch and Fin walked over to join Liv and Elliot.

"Hey Liv, didn't they ever tell you not to feed the animals?"

Elliot threw him a good-natured dirty look.

"I miss you Munch and I've only been on leave a week."

"I miss you too Liv and I actually miss you, Stabler. The squad room just isn't as entertaining without you."

"Baby Girl, it is going to be really hard to call you Captain once you're a Momma. I just can't picture it: you and Stabler all domestic and everything. I still can't believe you married the dude."

"Yeah, well, I had to make an honest woman of her."

"Seriously you two. I'm so happy for you guys. I can't wait to be called Uncle Fin. There's just one thing Liv. Why'd you have to go and take six months leave? I mean, Munch? The day he becomes Captain, I retire for real."

"Get used to it Fin. When you have those late night cases, Munch will be in charge."

Cragen joined the group. There were hugs and backslaps all around.

"Congratulations Don."

"Thanks Elliot. I'm actually looking forward to retirement. It has its perks. Liz Donnelly just asked me out to dinner. She said she never did before because it wouldn't be professional."

Munch rolled his eyes.

"And so it starts."

"So, Liv, you started your maternity leave? The baby's due any day now, right?"

"Yep. I'm a couple days past my due date, so the doctor is thinking of inducing me on Monday."

"Elliot you're like a little baby making machine. What is it with you?"

Elliot hugged Liv to him and kissed her temple.

"Hey, I just give the missus what she wants."

"Well, it makes me happy to see her happy and you've really done that."

Liv's eyes started to get misty.

"Now, that you're retired, fancy playing Grandpa to this little one?"

"I'd be honored Olivia and I'm a great babysitter."

"We'll hold you to that one. No way are we leaving this one with Munch. I don't want a little conspiracy theorist growing up in my house."

Baxter and Cranz joined the gang as the circle grew.

"Hey, Captain, you look like you're about ready to pop."

"Cranz elbowed him in the gut.

"Thanks Baxter. Say, isn't you're eval coming up soon?"

"Uh, did I mention how radiant you look?"

"Nice recovery. I know it will be hard to get anything done with Munch in charge, but try will ya?"

"No problem. If we have questions we'll just go to Fin."

Everybody started laughing. That is until Liv grabbed her stomach. She looked down and then back up at Elliot with a smile and a grimace.

"El?"

"Yeah, Babe?"

"My water just broke."

There was instant action on the team. Elliot tossed Fin the keys to his car. He and Don got on either side of Liv and started leading her out of the bar. Cranz and Baxter parted the crowd and Munch followed behind asking her if she had any contractions yet and how far apart they were.

Seven hours later Liv gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. He had her hair color and Elliot's eyes and dimples. She smiled down at him as he latched on for his first meal. Elliot sat on the bed facing her and ran his hand gently over his little head. Little Donny was the cutest baby on the planet as far as he could see. Exhausted after his birth experience he faded fast and was asleep before long. The new parents looked into each other's eyes.

"You did so good Liv. You were amazing."

He leaned in for a soft lingering kiss.

"Want to make another one soon?"

"You're kidding, right?"

"I'm just saying, we aren't getting any younger and I still want a beautiful girl with your hair and eyes and personality."

"You really want another one? I…I thought you'd want to stop after you gave me one of my own. I love you so much, but I'm going to need a little time before I want to face delivery again."

"Hey nine months is plenty of time to get prepared."

Liv rolled her eyes.

"Let's just enjoy this one for a few minutes okay?"

He cupped her face in his big strong hands and kissed her again. It was deep and satisfying and made him want her so much.

"How long do we have to wait to make love again?"

"Elliot!"

"What?"

She gave him a loving smile then.

"I can't wait either."

His lips were on her again and she could feel every emotion he was experiencing through that kiss. It left her a little light headed, but very happy.

Fin poked his head in the door and caught the two lovers in the middle of their make out session.

"Hey you two, that's what got you into this situation in the first place."

Elliot reluctantly pulled back and waved their waiting friends in for a first look.

"Oh, Liv, he's beautiful."

Cranz had never really thought about kids, but watching these two look at each other and their newborn made her think about it for the first time. The rest of their friends were speechless. Don finally asked what his name was.

"Donald Fin Jonathan Stabler. I know it's long, but we couldn't leave anyone out. We plan on calling him Donny."

The baby's eyes fluttered open at the mention of his name. Liv looked up shocked.

"You don't think he knows his name already, do you?"

Everybody burst out laughing.

"Hello little future Detective Stabler. Welcome to the world buddy. Welcome to the world."

**Author's Notes: I will dearly miss these characters. I have spent twelve years rooting for them. In my mind they will always be together as a couple and they will always have Munch, Fin and Cragen in their lives. They went through so much together as detectives and as people and I will miss them. Let's all keep them alive in fanficdom, shall we?**


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